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Building Safe, Emotionally Fluent Relationships — with Rich Heller
What Happens When We Bring Compassion and Conflict Resolution into Parenting Partnerships
Lucinda Koza
May 23, 2025 • Estimated Reading Time: 8 minutes
MEET TODAY’S GUESTRich Heller, a relationship coach and therapist; Founder of Rich in RelationshipRich is one of the few professionals brave enough to work in the emotionally charged territory of high-conflict relationships. Rich has made it his mission to help couples—particularly parents—rediscover joy, emotional wealth, and meaningful connection in their partnerships. |  Rich Heller |
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THE INTERVIEW
Building Safe, Emotionally Fluent Relationships
In this powerful and profoundly validating episode of How I Ally, Lucinda Koza sits down with relationship coach and therapist Rich Heller—one of the few professionals brave enough to work in the emotionally charged territory of high-conflict relationships.
Rich, founder of Rich in Relationship, has made it his mission to help couples—particularly parents—rediscover joy, emotional wealth, and meaningful connection in their partnerships. Drawing from his own childhood in a volatile household, Rich shares how his personal journey led him to support others navigating love, conflict, and transformation.
Key Highlights:
🧠 High Conflict Doesn’t Scare Him—It Drives Him
Rich has a high threshold for emotional intensity and believes healing often starts when couples are allowed to be raw and real in front of a neutral guide. Instead of creating sterile, rule-bound sessions, he encourages couples to express what’s beneath their explosions—and then gently walks them through what’s really being said.
👶 Why Parenting Can Feel Like a Crisis Point for Couples
Having children doesn’t just shift routines—it stirs old emotional wounds. Rich explains how postpartum changes, sleep deprivation, and childhood programming all collide during the early years of parenting, often turning romantic partners into what feels like emotional enemies.
🧔🏽♂️ The Evolution of Modern Masculinity
Rich dives into what it means to be a man today—and how crucial emotional fluency is for partners and fathers. Drawing from both science and lived experience, he explains how brains “floating in estrogen” (traditionally female) are more emotionally attuned, but that men can absolutely learn these skills with practice and intention.
💬 The Power of ‘I’ Statements
One of Rich’s favorite tools is the “I statement”—a simple but profound communication technique that diffuses blame and keeps both partners grounded in self-awareness. Instead of, “You never help with the baby,” Rich offers a reframing: “I feel overwhelmed when I’ve been solo all day, and I need support.”
❤️ What Emotional Safety Really Looks Like
Lucinda opens up about the emotional terrain many women know too well—the quiet fear that emerges when a man’s anger fills the room. Rich validates this deeply human response and reminds us that emotional violence is just as damaging as physical harm, especially in homes with children.
Rich’s Relationship Wisdom, in a Nutshell:
Conflict is not the enemy—avoidance is.
Your partner isn’t your parent, but unresolved childhood wounds will try to convince you otherwise.
Emotional safety is foundational—for both romantic and parental relationships.
Real change starts when both partners are willing to look within, take accountability, and speak from the heart.
Rich’s honesty, warmth, and incredible insight make this conversation one that will stay with you—especially if you’re in the trenches of new parenthood, working through relational wounds, or simply trying to love better.
I’ve come to believe we pick our partners because we feel safe enough to unpack our stuff around each other. But the problem is—we didn’t give each other a heads up.
🎧 Listen Now
Don’t miss this vital episode for anyone navigating love, conflict, and parenthood.
Find Rich at RichInRelationship.com, or follow him on your favorite social platform.
✨ If this episode resonates with you, please leave a review or share it with someone in the early stages of parenting or partnership. You’re not alone—and you deserve safety and support.
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Audio: Any of your favorite podcast platforms
THINGS LUCINDA IS SUPER-INTO
Memorial Day Sales, and Those Who Love Them
▶ Favorite Mental Health-advocating clothing brand: The Mayfair Group
▶ Favorite Specialty Shoe: Rothy’s (home of the best Mary Jane)
MARQUIS WHO’S WHO
Marquis Who's Who Recognizes Lucinda Koza with Inclusion in its Elite Network of Emerging Leaders
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Ava with Milo in their van
Lucinda Koza has been endorsed by Marquis Who's Who as a rising professional in both media and journalism
As the founder of I Ally Inc., she has demonstrated her entrepreneurial spirit and commitment to creating supportive communities.
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